Bereavement in Schools
Sadly, each year a few of our school communities experience a bereavement; the death of a pupil, member of staff or a parent. Each circumstance is unique, but the school frequently has an important role in the wider community's grief. Your local vicar will play an important role in giving advice and support to you and the school community. If your church is in vacancy, get in touch with the Diocesan Education Team and we will find clergy support for you. In the event of a death that might create press interest, the Diocesan Communications Team offer quick and professional support.
We would recommend that you have a Bereavement Policy in place in your school, so that you have thought through some of the issues that will arise when a death occurs. As a church school, do include your local vicar and chaplain, if you have one, in creating this policy. There is material to help you do this here.
Very young children's first experience of death may be the death of a pet. It can be helpful to have an established way of supporting children with this, to enable them to have some understanding and strategies to cope with the death of a person they love.
Often people wish to express their sympathy to the bereaved person or family, a stream of one-to-one conversations can be draining and difficult for the bereaved person. We have found that having a book of condolence in school has enabled people of all ages to express sympathy and at the right time the messages in the book have brought comfort to the bereaved.
Sometimes it helps pupils to provide an opportunity to reflect and remember the person who has died. This is often the case where they have lost a member of staff that taught them, or a classmate. Prayer Spaces in Schools have a number of reflective prayer activities on the theme of grief or loss. These two have proved especially helpful.
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The Empty Chair – some schools stick the luggage tag messages into a scrap book and give them to the bereaved family
Sometimes using these activities brings up emotions about a previous bereavement, so pupils may need support with processing these emotions.
The opportunity to light a candle, or battery tealight while remembering the person who has died is always helpful. A simple table with a photograph, an attractive drape and basket of tealights (and a box of tissues) is all that is required.
Stories can be a helpful way for children and young people to explore their feelings following a bereavement, or when a classmate has been bereaved and they don't know how to help. These could be read with the individual, a small group or the class depending on the circumstances. There is a curated list of books for all age groups on the School Reading List website.
Diocese of Canterbury Grief and Bereavement Resources - This is a very comprehensive set of materials with charts about who should be informed and when, alongside prayers and reflections for each age group and much more.
Church of England Practical Guidance Documentation - This includes suggestions for a memorial service or activity
In addition to the church, there are some highly skilled organisations that can offer support to you, parents and children. We recommend the ones below.
Child Bereavement UK (Winston’s Wish and Child Bereavement UK have come together. They are now one unified charity called Child Bereavement UK.)
This is our ‘go to’ place for resources, support and training. They offer support and information when a death occurs in a school community or if the school is facing an expected death.
They offer support for parents, including guidance on how to tell the children about a death in the family. Contact them using the numbers on this webpage.
Jigsaw South East - A local organisation that supports bereaved children, young people and their families and also those affected by a family member having a terminal diagnosis. They work throughout Surrey, Sussex and surrounding areas. They run grief support groups for children and parents. School and parents can make a referral to one of these groups.
The Samaritan's Step by Step service provides advice, support and guidance to any school, college, university or any other youth setting affected by a suspected or attempted suicide. They respond quickly offering help with issues such as breaking the news to the school community and actions to reduce the risk of further suicide.
The Step by Step rapid response team can be contacted here or freephone on 0808 168 2528.
They also offer prevention work for pupils aged 14 and above through a programme called DEAL (Developing Emotional Awareness and Listening).