My first conversation with a friend about being called to ordained ministry was both exciting and scary. The words ‘really me’ kept coming out of my mouth.
Now here I am going through the discernment process as a potential Ordinand still thinking the same, but filled with obedience and more excitement and joy and less fear I say: “Here I am, send me”, (Isaiah 6:8). When I started going to church, my fear was how would I fit in as a British Asian. Before starting the discernment process I questioned whether my journey would be different, And again, will I fit in?
As a British Asian who was first introduced to Jesus at secondary school through Bible group, not ever having been to church until I was in my late 20s. I spent time praying and reading the bible from a young age, but I soon learnt from Acts’ that I need to be in community with other believers, worshipping and praying together. I needed to find a way of meeting this need.
When I got older, and after University, I found a local church and walked past it many times and looked online at service times. One Sunday I decided to be brave and go and see what it was all about. My stomach was doing somersaults as I stood outside these towering, beautiful wooden doors which were slightly ajar, listening to the choir singing. Part of me wanting to run but I knew this is where Jesus was calling me. The service started at 10am and I arrived a few minutes after, sliding in and sitting behind the pillar, being invisible.
Watching as the service was happening, sitting, standing, repeating words, observing. I felt like I had walked into a completely different world. As the service came to an end I slipped out.
This continued for quite a few months until one day I went in early, and I met a couple of lovely, warm welcoming members of the congregation who quickly took me under their wings. It was a small church, but caring and with a heart for Jesus. Over time I got involved serving in various ministries and felt I was being called to something more and this sense kept getting stronger.
After the first question of being asked my name, I was asked, where I was from. I often replied up north. It would then be followed by the same question, but with a firmer emphasis on ‘no, where are you really from?’. I didn’t fit the general demographic of the church I was in; it wasn’t easy being the only British Indian in the congregation, who was born into the Hindu religion and was wanting to desperately follow Jesus. I felt like an alien in a white community, but I trusted and felt it was where Jesus was calling me.
I made the decision to have my children baptised as I wanted them to be claimed by Christ as His own and for them to grow having a relationship with Jesus. At the age of 36 I made the decision to be baptised and confirmed. I had many questions in the preparation process and faced personal challenges and healing, but I was supported and guided by a wonderful curate throughout. From that moment on to this day I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit with me. Soon after I moved to a different church which was more multicultural to experience something different.
I came to faith as I had spent much of my life feeling like a lost cause, with shattered hopes and dreams, damaged by life and needing to hold onto someone and something that could protect, love, heal, forgive, and guide me. To help me be the person I was supposed to be, not the one I had to become. Something that no-one can take away from me. Looking back, it was really at the age of 16 I committed my life to Christ by kneeling secretly in my bedroom, for fear of retribution, and gave my life to Jesus.
As I started my discernment process for priesthood, I had the same fears and spent time talking to other UKME priests about their experience in the church and discernment. The Church of England and the Diocese have a framework and ways of working to encourage representation of UKME people in church which is also encouraging. The discernment process is helpful, positive, and challenging. It’s steeped in internal reflection but also looking outwards to how we all come together in the name of Christ, no matter what race, colour, or creed. As it says in Galatians, we are all one in Christ. I have been surrounded with people from all walks of life to encourage, pray and guide me on my journey.
Shelley Blunden - 2023