There are many things that motherhood and ministry have in common. Stepping into just one of the roles for the first time is a big step, but taking on both at the same time is a challenge that Esther, the curate at Christ Church, Epsom Common, is rising to.
Ordained into the Priesthood on 21st January, we’ve asked Esther some questions to find out how embracing two new vocations: motherhood and ministry is going.
Congratulations on becoming a mum. How have the initial months of motherhood and maternity leave been?
“I was ordained as a Deacon in July 2022 and had three busy months in my curacy before Gabriel was born.
Maternity leave was a time of adjusting to parenthood and assuming a whole new identity. I was slightly anxious as I couldn’t imagine how balancing motherhood and ministry was going to look in practice. I’m very grateful for all the other clergy mums who have shared their wisdom.
I continued to attend my Initial Ministerial Education (IME) training - taking Gabriel with me. I really valued being able to keep learning alongside my wonderful IME group.”
How has becoming a mum impacted your ministry?
“Ordained ministry and motherhood came in quick succession. I don’t know what one would be like without the other.
When I look back to life as a youth worker and ordinand, I realise how much time I had to plan, prepare, study and socialise! I have learned how precious time is.
Gabriel and I go to Christ Church’s baby and toddler group where I can be mum and the curate - ministering as I chat with other mums and carers. Through these relationships we have seen families come to church and even join Alpha.
I have been reminded that when we’re young and single, we can offer lots of energy and time to activities and events. That’s not the same as a wife and mum. Ministry now is much more about presence. It is less about doing and performing, and more about forming deep relationships. Quality over quantity.
I recognise in the frantic chaos of having a small child I will make mistakes, I will forget things, I may not be as prepared, and that's ok! God’s grace is sufficient.
I’m discovering a new sense of resilience and adaptability in all areas of my life. Formation comes in many forms!”
Can you describe your priesting service to us?
“The service at Christ Church was a unique and joy-filled occasion, which included a thanksgiving for Gabriel. My Training Incumbent, Rosemary, pointed out it was really a celebration of both vocations: motherhood and priesthood.
My family and friends came from Wales, joining in with local friends. It was a wonderful opportunity to invite those who wouldn’t normally come to church!
I felt surprisingly calm on the day. On my solo ordination retreat, the words from John 15:16 lingered with me: ‘You did not choose me but I chose you.And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last’. I was filled with an immense sense of peace and assurance. I then said to God, “OK then, God, I’m ready. With the help of God, I will”. That peace has stayed with me.
In all honesty, my main concern and prayer was that Gabriel wouldn’t get too tired. Praise God he had napped before the service and was his usual happy self.”
This year marks 40 years of the ordination of women in the Church of England. Do you have any words of encouragement for women looking to explore ordained ministry?
“I chose the hymn ‘When I Survey the Wondrous Cross’ for my ordination service with the final verse in mind:
‘Were the whole realm of nature mine,
that were a present far too small.
Love so amazing, so divine,
demands my soul, my life, my all.’
I have found in my calling to be both a mother and ordained minister, that the two roles are inextricably connected. Both callings demand of your whole self.
I am reminded of this when I find a dummy in the pocket of my robes or find the plastic of my dog-collar in Gabriel’s toy box. I don’t stop being Gabriel’s mum in the midst of ministry.
We’re called to serve and lead from the reality of our own lives, in what sometimes feels like messiness and chaos. It is then that we depend more than ever on the grace and provision of an all-loving God. God calls us as we are, as he made us to be, with all our gifts, experience and family in tow.
I am continually surprised by God’s infinite love and generosity. How can I not trust that he is holding my family and I as we venture on the wild terrain of motherhood and ministry?”
To explore the idea of training in a ministerial role in the Church of England, we recommend looking at these helpful steps to exploring your calling and vocation.